Saturday, June 04, 2011
Know Who You Are
In Jeremiah1:5 we read:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
And, in Psalm 139:13 we read:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
These two verses have become battle cries for those who use them to validate a political agenda. We all know about the continued fight between those who are anti-abortion, pro-life or anti-choice and those who are pro-abortion or pro-choice. The the long and often mean spirited fight can be summarized in who controls what a woman does with her body. Does the woman control her body? Or should religious institutions have that privilege? Lawmakers? Family? Society? Who or what controls what a woman does with her body? This battle seems never ending, and sometimes violent. Over the decades, men have been the most visible and the most vocal on both sides.
When we take the text for today literally, the message is clear; God knew us even before we were born. Our life's work, the reason we are born, is determined even as we are being formed in our mother's womb. This means that before our bodies are functional organisms, before our bodies even exist in this world we are who we are and God knows us. Based on the literal interpretation, we might decide that a woman should not have the last say over what she does with her body. However, if we accept the literal interpretation, we have to also agree that a particular version of Christianity should be the law of the land. We have to agree that everyone, regardless of their personal beliefs or religious affiliations, is subject to this one version of Christianity. The separation of church and state dictate that we cannot establish one religion as law, so we need to look deeper.
In Matthew 7:5 we read:
Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
This means that we need to know who we are first. We need to see our own flaws, clean up our own house, remove the plank from our own eyes before we can even try to see the speck in another's. The message to know who you are first is quite clear.
Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
This means that we need to know who we are first. We need to see our own flaws, clean up our own house, remove the plank from our own eyes before we can even try to see the speck in another's. The message to know who you are first is quite clear.
Self-knowledge is not easy mainly because who we are is often not who we want to be. Who we are is often not who we think we should be. In Jeremiah we are literally told that God knows who we are before our bodies are formed: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. God knows who we are, first. Our bodies come after the fact. Now, let's move away from the literal understanding and look at a common theme for clarity. We might even be able to find some sanity in this particular battle. The theme is grounded in knowing or knowledge.
The biblical know is varied. There is the know as in God knowing or divine knowing. Genesis 3:5 is an example of this: For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.
There is the know as in sexual knowing between people. Genesis 19:8 is an example: See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish; only do nothing to these men, since this is the reason they have come under the shadow of my roof.
There is the know as in naming something or someone. Genesis 2:19 illustrates this: Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
There is the human knowing God: Genesis 6:7: I will take you as My people, and I will be your God. Then you shall know that I am the LORD your God who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.
Know as in the knowledge of good and evil Genesis 2:9: And out of the ground the LORD God made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Making oneself known or revealing yourself. Genesis 45:1: Then Joseph could not restrain himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried out, “Make everyone go out from me!” So no one stood with him while Joseph made himself known to his brothers.
We can see that know, knowing, revealing, and knowledge are important in the Bible based on prevalence. This makes knowing important to us.
Many of us choose to think that knowing means that we can claim to know what is in God's mind all while we have no clue about our own motivations. We decide that biblical knowledge gives us permission to tell the world what/who God loves, and what/who God hates. We then use this 'knowledge' to justify who and what we love and who and what we hate. All while we do this, we have no clue about how to love God. We have no idea about whether our neighbors feel love from us. In addition, we refuse to see the most destructive sin of all, which we commit each time we ignore the pain of another.
We have already established that when the text is literally applied, abortion should be banned and a woman's right to privacy should be denied. If God knew us before our bodies were being formed, then abortion is, in fact, murder. This is a common understanding. Not so common, however is the fact that we can also use the Bible to justify protecting a woman's right to abortion. If God knew us before our bodies were being formed, then abortion does not stop us from existing. This means that abortion cannot be murder because we exist independent of a physical body. Consequently, a woman's right to privacy can be protected without contradicting what the Bible teaches.
There is a problem with this when we include the separation of church and state. Using the Bible to impose a particular religious perspective, or belief, or judgment on others is against our constitution. Both the anti-abortionist and the pro-abortionist are wrong when they use religion to justify passing a law. When we decide what God wants, likes, expects, for anyone other than ourselves this is hubris. If you do not know what hubris means, part of your lifework after this sermon is to look it up and learn the word. When we say:
you need to...
you need to...
Or, she has to...
Or, they are not saved.
Or, he is going to hell.
Or, God doesn't want those people in his house.
Or, God don't like ugly.
Or....you fill in the blank.
When we say these things, and then point to a verse in the Bible to support our opinion, we use the Bible to promote what we want. Rather than accessing the Bible to support and inform us as we make our way to self-knowledge, we use the Bible to help us feel superior to others, First remove the plank from your own eye. Know who you are, first. Know where you are in your life, first. Know the plank that is in your eye, first. The Bible is here to support your individual process, not to enable you to impose your will on others.
If you strive to know who you are, you will learn that self-knowledge is sometimes painful, joyful, difficult, easy, and a life-long process. When you strive to know self you gain skills like patience, understanding, consistency, endurance, honesty, and clarity. Then you are able to use your skills, when the opportunity is offered, to help another. Conversely, if you spend most of your time and energy memorizing the biblical verses that help you feel accepted and valid, if you spend all your time rejecting verses that contradict what you think is right, you are insulting a long held tradition. In addition, you reject knowing the one thing that is yours alone, you.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you.. It is up to you to fill in that blank by knowing who you are. What are you appointed to do? Do you know? Are you working to find out?
The last time we were together I gave you what I call lifework. This is like the homework that everyone has as students. Lifework is what we do to gain the skills we need to turn our lives around. The last assignment was to take 10 minutes every day and remove all distractions. Then find a part of your body that you like or that you are comfortable seeing and really get to know that part. At the same time, you were to repeat this phrase: my body is home to my spirit. Now, we are going to build on what we have been doing.
Find a comfortable place, and expand the time that you set aside to 15 minutes. Sit in an upright position and remove distractions. Close your eyes if you are comfortable doing so. If not, find a spot to rest your eyes. Once you are comfortable, and things are quiet, sit with your thoughts. Do not try to censor your thoughts or change your feelings. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself 15 minutes of time when you do not think you are wrong, or silly, or ugly, or fat, poor, too old, too young, or any of the things that we all have thought about ourselves. Do this every day if possible. Give yourself 15 minutes of uncensored, uninterrupted time to be.
Until next time, may God continue to bless and keep you,
Amen
Your Body Your Temple
In Luke 8:42a-28 we read:
But as He went, the multitudes thronged Him. Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
But as He went, the multitudes thronged Him. Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”
This story is about an unnamed woman who was an outcast, and at her last ditch effort. In the time of Jesus, a woman who was menstruating was unclean. She was untouchable. In general, menstruating women at the time were kept separate from the rest of society. Now, because the woman in the story never stopped bleeding, she had lived as an untouchable for 12 years. Imagine how lonely she must have been. Imagine how desperate she was. We know that she was desperate because the text tells us that this unnamed woman had spent all of her wealth trying to buy a cure. She had used all of her resources in efforts to buy freedom of her isolation. Freedom from her unclean state. Freedom from what caused her fear and pain. I think this unnamed woman represents how many of us feel today. We feel isolated. We feel as though God has left the room, and corruption, deceit, and anger have take over the world.
We are stressed. Maybe we are unemployed, and the financial strain is causing trouble in our relationships. Affairs, arguments, or just plain apathy, have replaced the love we had before. Maybe we are living in a neighborhood that has been taken over by gangs and drug dealers. The strain is causing trouble in our bodies in the form of high blood pressure, migraines, or obesity. Like the bleeding woman, we spend all of our wealth in efforts to find relief. We stand in long lines to buy the newest iPod and best ear phones we can afford so that we can shut out the world. We get the best video games so that we can distract ourselves from the things that hurt us. Or, scare us. Or, make us angry. But the state of the world today and the way we feel tells us that none of these things work.
Then one day we wake up and realize that, like the bleeding woman, we are at our last ditch effort. We have used all that we have to find relief. Yet every night before we go to bed, the very feelings that we try to escape, creep into our minds just as we start to relax. We are that woman who is sick. We are that woman who is lonely and desperate. We stand alongside her and reach out to touch Jesus.
She reached out to get the health and connection that she had craved for so long. She took control for her own health. She stopped looking for places to purchase relief from the physical world, and found what she needed in her spirit. The fact that Jesus felt her touch tells us that she was healed spiritually first. And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” The fact that her spirit had to be healed before her body, tells us that this is what we need to do.
I want to share a story about me with you. Many of you know that over the last 6 months or so, I have been training to run in my first marathon. This was the most difficult and the most healing thing that I have ever done in my life. I say that because to be successful, I had to not only see my body as an extension of my spiritual health, I had to treat it that way. You see, many of us—myself included—give lip service to the belief that our bodies are temples. We say this, but we do not live this. We do not exercise, for instance. We do not listen to what our bodies are telling us. We mask a sick spirit and the bodily signs of that sickness with make-up, loose fitting clothing, and scented lotions. Some of us even refuse to look in the mirror because we do not want to see what our bodies reveal about our spirits. This is important to understand and accept because it is how we start turning things around. Today, you can start living what you believe in your heart; that your body is the temple for your soul.
I want to give you lifework. Lifework is like homework that people in school have. Students have homework so that the lessons they are learning are reinforced and become part of their knowledge base. I give people lifework so that the habits that we all need to live full and happy lives can become something we simply do as easily as breathing in and out. Your lifework until next time is to set aside 10 minuets of each day. The time you set aside can be the last thing you do before you go to bed, the first thing you do when you get up, or any time between. For 10 minutes, turn everything off. No television, radio, or music. Eliminate as many distractions as possible. Find a part of your body that you like or that you are comfortable seeing. This could be your hand, or your foot. Maybe you like your legs. Whatever part of your body that you are comfortable with, use the 10 minutes to look at the color and shape. Feel and if you can, smell your body part. Let yourself feel the energy that is there. This may seem a little odd at first, but as you do this every day, you will become more and more comfortable. Now, as you look at your body, think to yourself: My body is home to my spirit. My body is home to my spirit. Continue to do this, and we will expand the lifework as part of the journey to turning yourself around.
Until next time, may God continue to bless and keep you,
Amen
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
'Gay Marriage' More Ethical Than A Catholic Wedding?
For Immediate Release
Chicago: February 22, 2010
“Gay Marriage” More Binding Than A Catholic Wedding?
Laws make divorce more difficult
Gay Marriage: More Binding Than a Catholic Wedding, is an All the Way IN radio program hosted by Deborah E. Lake. The program will air live on Monday, March 5th at 6:30pm EST. Guest Mariette Geldenhuys, Attorney at Law will address the fact that same gender couples who no longer wish to be together often live in a commitment limbo because of the inconsistency in state laws.“Because there is no uniform approach to recognizing same gender committed relationships in America, lesbian and gay couples need to be especially informed before entering into a civil union or marriage,” said Lake.
This will be Geldenhuys' second interview on All the Way IN radio. During her first interview, she outlined the chaotic legal state of same gender committed couples. “It saddens me that we have to think this way, but this is really important,” said Geldenhuys. “It is much wiser to think it through carefully.” Gay marriage is recognized legally in different ways and only in a small number of states. Add to this, the lack of clear leadership at the federal level, and same gender couples who want to build a life together face an unpredictable future. This means that same gender couples need to think about how they would proceed if the unthinkable happens—they no longer want to remain a couple—at a time when they should be celebrating with family and friends. Listeners can hear the program live, and call in with questions or comments at (347) 857-3286.
About All the Way IN radio:
All the Way IN is a BlogTalkRadio show that focuses on topics to help people live life to the fullest. Host and executive producer Deborah E. Lake explores relationship, health, social, and other issues that we all face today. Listeners are encouraged to call (347) 857-3286 to add their questions or comments. Downloads are available through iTunes and DeborahELake.com.
About Mariette Geldenhuys:
Ms. Geldenhuys has practiced law in Ithaca, New York for the past twenty-one years. A major focus of her practice is LGBT law, including marriage rights, domestic partnerships, civil unions, adoptions and estate planning. She is constantly seeking new and creative ways to expand legal protection for her lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender clients. She is a member of the National Family Law Advisory Council of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the New York State Bar Association Special Committee on LGBT People and the Law and the planning committee of the Family Law Institute of the National LGBT Bar Association. She is also the Founder and Founding President of the Ithaca Area Collaborative Law Professionals and sees Collaborative Law as an effective process for LGBT clients to resolve legal issues. For more information, see www.geldenhuyslaw.com.
Press Contact: Deborah Lake
(978) 201-3300
info@lakeenterprise.com
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Turning It Around Today
On October 4, you can start listening to Rev. Lake's sermons on Blog Talk Radio.
Life is tough.
Many people, with many agendas try to tell us the best way to be. When you feel you are pulled from many directions, start Turning It Around Today.
If you are living a way that you never really wanted, start Turning It Around Today.
Life is fun when you turn it around.
Life is tough.
Many people, with many agendas try to tell us the best way to be. When you feel you are pulled from many directions, start Turning It Around Today.
If you are living a way that you never really wanted, start Turning It Around Today.
Life is fun when you turn it around.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Coming Out and Coming to Life
Mother of four daughters, wife for 15 years, Black, and lesbian. The day I looked in the mirror and said, 'you are lesbian' to my 30 something self was the day I claimed my right to a life without longing. The longing that was always with me, the longing I had learned to live around, the longing that did not have a name was gone; banished by a woman's touch. To my shock and horror, that made me lesbian. In retrospect, the day the longing stopped was the day I became an abomination to the Black community.
Before coming out, I was comfortable and afraid at the same time. I had a safe life with a Black man who was a good provider and faithful husband. I was protected, secure, and valued by the larger African/American community. I was a mother, which meant that I was doing my part to ensure that African/Americans continued into the future. Black men respected me and looked at our family with admiration. I was a wife, which meant that supporting Black men was most important to me. Other women called me blessed because I had a good husband and beautiful daughters. My mother-in-law introduced me to her friends with pride. My future was secure. My place was defined. My heart was fearful. I was afraid of being alone.
Overnight my greatest fear came true. With one forbidden touch, my future became uncertain. Being lesbian meant that I was something to be exorcised from the Black community. Suddenly, people assumed that I hated men, especially Black men. Mothers protected their children from me, and looked at my daughters and ex-husband with pity. Men took it upon themselves to correct my lesbian waywardness through unwanted sexual advances. My in-laws shunned me. My friends avoided me. Coming out meant I had no community. I had no protection. In my mid-30's and rejected by the overall Black community, I found myself searching for acceptance in the gay community.
The failure of established gay rights activist to engage Black communities in the battle to oppose Prop 8 and similar anti-gay movements tells me that what I experienced in the mid-90's is relevant today. As a newly out Black lesbian looking to the gay community for the acceptance I had lost, I quickly learned that my oppression, my pain, and my presence were important only when they validated the white gay agenda. This means that for the most part, Black LGBT people are neither valued nor wanted. Our experiences are not valuable to white LGBT communities and our presence is not wanted in Black heterosexual communities. This puts Black LGBT people in a chasm of indifference and apathy. The world is indifferent to our struggles and we become apathetic to our own pain. We learn not to value who we are. We learn to ignore our pain. We learn to live with internalized homophobia.
I was very much stuck in that chasm for years. I did not value who I was, so I did not demand the respect that I deserved. In addition, I did not acknowledge my own pain. When my partner and I found each other, and decided to make a life-long commitment, there was no celebration with family and friends. No community blessing and no welcome to the family. Being ignored and ostracized in this way hurt, and deep down I believed that I deserved the treatment. This was my internalized homophobia.
Ignoring my pain, and not expecting our relationship to be honored by family and society only served to damage my relationship with my partner. Recently my partner and I have started working to repair the damage caused by internalized homophobia. To do this, we both had to understand how anti-gay attitudes hurt us and how internalized homophobia hurts our relationship. The work is difficult. We have to trust our wisdom and respect the wisdom of the other. Most important, though, we both have to come out of our fear. We have to release the fear of being alone. Stop being afraid of offending those who could care less about our happiness.
Coming out meant losing the longing. Coming to life means losing my fear.
Before coming out, I was comfortable and afraid at the same time. I had a safe life with a Black man who was a good provider and faithful husband. I was protected, secure, and valued by the larger African/American community. I was a mother, which meant that I was doing my part to ensure that African/Americans continued into the future. Black men respected me and looked at our family with admiration. I was a wife, which meant that supporting Black men was most important to me. Other women called me blessed because I had a good husband and beautiful daughters. My mother-in-law introduced me to her friends with pride. My future was secure. My place was defined. My heart was fearful. I was afraid of being alone.
Overnight my greatest fear came true. With one forbidden touch, my future became uncertain. Being lesbian meant that I was something to be exorcised from the Black community. Suddenly, people assumed that I hated men, especially Black men. Mothers protected their children from me, and looked at my daughters and ex-husband with pity. Men took it upon themselves to correct my lesbian waywardness through unwanted sexual advances. My in-laws shunned me. My friends avoided me. Coming out meant I had no community. I had no protection. In my mid-30's and rejected by the overall Black community, I found myself searching for acceptance in the gay community.
The failure of established gay rights activist to engage Black communities in the battle to oppose Prop 8 and similar anti-gay movements tells me that what I experienced in the mid-90's is relevant today. As a newly out Black lesbian looking to the gay community for the acceptance I had lost, I quickly learned that my oppression, my pain, and my presence were important only when they validated the white gay agenda. This means that for the most part, Black LGBT people are neither valued nor wanted. Our experiences are not valuable to white LGBT communities and our presence is not wanted in Black heterosexual communities. This puts Black LGBT people in a chasm of indifference and apathy. The world is indifferent to our struggles and we become apathetic to our own pain. We learn not to value who we are. We learn to ignore our pain. We learn to live with internalized homophobia.
I was very much stuck in that chasm for years. I did not value who I was, so I did not demand the respect that I deserved. In addition, I did not acknowledge my own pain. When my partner and I found each other, and decided to make a life-long commitment, there was no celebration with family and friends. No community blessing and no welcome to the family. Being ignored and ostracized in this way hurt, and deep down I believed that I deserved the treatment. This was my internalized homophobia.
Ignoring my pain, and not expecting our relationship to be honored by family and society only served to damage my relationship with my partner. Recently my partner and I have started working to repair the damage caused by internalized homophobia. To do this, we both had to understand how anti-gay attitudes hurt us and how internalized homophobia hurts our relationship. The work is difficult. We have to trust our wisdom and respect the wisdom of the other. Most important, though, we both have to come out of our fear. We have to release the fear of being alone. Stop being afraid of offending those who could care less about our happiness.
Coming out meant losing the longing. Coming to life means losing my fear.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
What About Gay Rights?
Interpretations of why Prop 8 and other proposals like them passed this year range from 'people of color' banded against gays to free flowing money from right-wing churches bought success. Blame is plentiful and as free flowing as money was from both sides of the proposition before the election. Prop 8 passed in, of all places, California. The gay rights community is now left to answer questions like why? Why did the proposition pass? How? How could such a defeat happen at a time when the country also elected its first African/American president?
The passing of Prop 8 reveals the ongoing challenges of racism and misogyny that the gay community faces. The passing of Prop 8 represents failure and these failures have to be recognized, addressed, and corrected before we will ever obtain equality in America.
We failed to make the moral case for why it is important for society to honor our committed relationships. Instead, we made the mistake of accepting the perception of our opposition and then building an answer in response. This means that we fought a losing battle of change. We tried to change the beliefs of another and lost. In so doing we lost sight of the fact that Americans have the right to believe what they want as long as their beliefs do not infringe on another person's rights. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that there is another crack in Thomas Jefferson's wall of separation.
We failed to communicate the ethical reasons why our life-long partners should have equal protection and equal privilege. Instead, we made the mistake of engaging the theological battle over whether or not marriage was meant to exist between two men or two women. This means that we fought another losing battle of change. We tried to change people's understanding of their religious dogma. In so doing, we lost sight of the fact that Americans can accept whatever religious dogma they choose as long as their dogma is not forced on the rest of us.
Marriage is both secular and religious. Secular marriage between same gender couples means that we will have the same legal protections and privileges as opposite gender couples. No religious group will be forced to perform a ceremony that contradicts their dogma. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that a particular religious dogma has been voted into law.
We failed to recognize our limitations and work to eliminate them. A major limitation that may be painful for white gay males to recognize is that they are often experienced by Blacks and Latino/as regardless of gender and orientation as self centered and less invested in addressing the oppression of people they see as others.
The world in which white gay men usually travel has virtually no external pressure to expand their world-view so that it includes people they see as different. Unlike women and people of color who are forced to understand and navigate the world of our oppressors, white gay men can decide when and if they see and address the oppression of others. In addition, they can decide when and if they acknowledge the times they benefit from an oppressive society.
We failed to see each other as equal partners and chose to treat each other as enemies. The legacies of racism and misogyny in the gay community have caused a great deal of damage in the past. That damage needs to be heard and reconciled. Through the years and today, gays have banded together and consistently used Black and Latino/a leaders only long enough to co-opt our ideas, passion, and work.
Just as many years, we have thrown down gauntlet after gauntlet demanding that racism be addressed and brought to an end in gay America. These gauntlets have yet to be picked up. Over the years and today, the leadership of women who love women have been consistently resisted or negated. We have been seen and treated as a means to promote or attain the agenda of white gay men. We have thrown our gauntlets down at the feet of gay America in our calls for recognition and equality within. Our gauntlets have yet to be picked up.
In Matthew 7:6, we are cautioned not give dogs what is sacred and not to throw our pearls to swine. We have decisions to make if we are going to change the direction our country appears to be heading in relation to gay rights. Do we grow up as a people, own our mistakes, and work together to correct them? Or, do we continue to take to the street and in so doing validate the likes of Fred Phelps with our sacred energy, attention, and presence? Do we listen to the ways we have excluded and colonized one another? Do we accept the effects of our actions? Or, do we continue to waste our pearls of intellect, vision, and passion on those whose hearts can only be changed by God?
Perhaps if we see that we have been giving dogs what is sacred all while the sacred among us have been ignored or silenced, we will stop picking up gauntlets thrown by the Fred Phelps of the world. Perhaps if we stop throwing our pearls to swine when the pearls among us continue to leave the community, we will find more honest ways to make our case for equality to the rest of America.
Reverend Deborah Elandus Lake, M.Div.
The passing of Prop 8 reveals the ongoing challenges of racism and misogyny that the gay community faces. The passing of Prop 8 represents failure and these failures have to be recognized, addressed, and corrected before we will ever obtain equality in America.
We failed to make the moral case for why it is important for society to honor our committed relationships. Instead, we made the mistake of accepting the perception of our opposition and then building an answer in response. This means that we fought a losing battle of change. We tried to change the beliefs of another and lost. In so doing we lost sight of the fact that Americans have the right to believe what they want as long as their beliefs do not infringe on another person's rights. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that there is another crack in Thomas Jefferson's wall of separation.
We failed to communicate the ethical reasons why our life-long partners should have equal protection and equal privilege. Instead, we made the mistake of engaging the theological battle over whether or not marriage was meant to exist between two men or two women. This means that we fought another losing battle of change. We tried to change people's understanding of their religious dogma. In so doing, we lost sight of the fact that Americans can accept whatever religious dogma they choose as long as their dogma is not forced on the rest of us.
Marriage is both secular and religious. Secular marriage between same gender couples means that we will have the same legal protections and privileges as opposite gender couples. No religious group will be forced to perform a ceremony that contradicts their dogma. The real tragedy behind the passing of Prop 8 is that a particular religious dogma has been voted into law.
We failed to recognize our limitations and work to eliminate them. A major limitation that may be painful for white gay males to recognize is that they are often experienced by Blacks and Latino/as regardless of gender and orientation as self centered and less invested in addressing the oppression of people they see as others.
The world in which white gay men usually travel has virtually no external pressure to expand their world-view so that it includes people they see as different. Unlike women and people of color who are forced to understand and navigate the world of our oppressors, white gay men can decide when and if they see and address the oppression of others. In addition, they can decide when and if they acknowledge the times they benefit from an oppressive society.
We failed to see each other as equal partners and chose to treat each other as enemies. The legacies of racism and misogyny in the gay community have caused a great deal of damage in the past. That damage needs to be heard and reconciled. Through the years and today, gays have banded together and consistently used Black and Latino/a leaders only long enough to co-opt our ideas, passion, and work.
Just as many years, we have thrown down gauntlet after gauntlet demanding that racism be addressed and brought to an end in gay America. These gauntlets have yet to be picked up. Over the years and today, the leadership of women who love women have been consistently resisted or negated. We have been seen and treated as a means to promote or attain the agenda of white gay men. We have thrown our gauntlets down at the feet of gay America in our calls for recognition and equality within. Our gauntlets have yet to be picked up.
In Matthew 7:6, we are cautioned not give dogs what is sacred and not to throw our pearls to swine. We have decisions to make if we are going to change the direction our country appears to be heading in relation to gay rights. Do we grow up as a people, own our mistakes, and work together to correct them? Or, do we continue to take to the street and in so doing validate the likes of Fred Phelps with our sacred energy, attention, and presence? Do we listen to the ways we have excluded and colonized one another? Do we accept the effects of our actions? Or, do we continue to waste our pearls of intellect, vision, and passion on those whose hearts can only be changed by God?
Perhaps if we see that we have been giving dogs what is sacred all while the sacred among us have been ignored or silenced, we will stop picking up gauntlets thrown by the Fred Phelps of the world. Perhaps if we stop throwing our pearls to swine when the pearls among us continue to leave the community, we will find more honest ways to make our case for equality to the rest of America.
Reverend Deborah Elandus Lake, M.Div.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
The Problem Is…
Laura Washington’s Chicago Sun Times article on May 19, 2008 and Amy Wooten’s May 28th follow-up article in the Windy City Times have sparked new energy in an ongoing debate between the business owners and residents of Chicago’s Lakeview Boystown neighborhood, and some adult Black LGBTQ self-identified youth advocates. The debate, often heated, passionate, and littered with accusations of racism, is over how to handle the teens who come to the gay focused Boystown from the south and west sides of Chicago.
During the community forums that I have attended over the years, I heard several concerns. Business owners said they worried that the teens interfered with the coming and going of their patrons. Residents said they were frustrated because the teens were noisy and disrupted the peace by congregating on street corners and rough housing well into the early morning hours. Some youth advocates said they felt attacked because Black and Latino teens were being targeted due to racism. These continued debates and strong feelings happen in the context of taboo and blame. There are issues that we do not explore and some of us use accusations to silence and bully people.
One of our biggest taboos is the fact that many LGBTQ teens from the south and west sides of Chicago come to Boystown because they are not safe in their homes and neighborhoods. Indeed, some LGBTQ teens are homeless because their parents threw them out. The youth advocates who say Black and Latino LGBTQ teens are not welcome in Boystown because of racism may very well be correct, but the teens are not welcome in their homes, churches, schools, and neighborhoods because of homophobia either.
In his April 2007 entry for the Chronicle of Higher Education’s ‘News Blog’ Lawrence Biemiller describes the overt homophobia in historically Black colleges that often goes unchallenged. He reports that there are a disproportionately small number of gay student organizations in historically Black colleges due in part to the unwillingness of faculty members to serve as advisers. In addition, since 2004, students at the historically Black Hampton University tried unsuccessfully to get a gay/straight alliance approved by the administration according to Elizabeth A. Perry in her February 2007 article for the Washington Blade.
Black LGBTQ same gender loving people many times see exposing homophobia within their communities as taboo. This means that while White young people often find college to be a safe place to explore their sexuality, Black and Latino who attend historically Black colleges have the opposite experience with scarce support from the adult Black LGBTQ community. Consequently, they are left to navigate hostile social, religious, and educational settings without having space to even name the hostility. They are left to mend from painful experiences without having consistent guidance in how to develop affirming relationships as LGBTQ people. As a result, young Black and Latino LGBTQ people sometimes come to believe that they belong on the fringe of society, and build their lives on that belief.
The National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. in New York released their 2004 abstract of a study by Gwadz MV, Clatts MC, Leonard NR, & Goldsamt L that identified what they called fearful attachment style (one's core beliefs regarding the self and others) in young men who have sex with men (MSM). They connect the fearful attachment style to the increased potential that young MSM will leave the protective systems of family, school, and work and decide to remain and function in risky communities where they are less likely to encounter ‘pro-social peers’ and adults. The writers of this study concluded that young MSM who develop this fearful attachment style are more likely to have been homeless, to have participated in sex work, to use substances daily, to have been involved in the criminal justice system, and to be out of school/work.
This means that young LGBTQ people who ‘come out’ and are consequently abandoned by their families and communities are at greater risk for developing the fearful attachment style and believing that the world is an unsafe place. They are at greater risk for not seeing family, school, church, neighborhood, and work as sources of protection and safety. They are at greater risk for seeing no alternative to joining fringe communities, and they are less likely to develop positive relationships with peers, loved ones, and safe adults. The challenge for the wider adult LGBTQ community as Black and Latino LGBTQ teens emerge toward adulthood is to help them develop identities that are proudly Black and Latino, confidently LGBTQ, and solidly part of mainstream society. Our challenge is to help teens make decisions that will result in them being prepared to enter society as successful doctors, lawyers, teachers, entrepreneurs, parents, ministers, politicians…
As Black and Latino/a LGBTQ adults, we have a choice to make. We can get distracted, yet another summer, by claims of White racism as warm weather and excitement draws teens to Boystown’s nightlife area. Or we can do something different as a community. We can teach with our actions that being LGBTQ means more than turfs, clicks, race, gender, sex, and political affiliation. Being LGBTQ also means doing the difficult work of forming honest relationships with family, friends, peers, colleagues, and yes, perceived enemies. We can spend yet another summer describing why racism is the problem. Or we can show with our actions that a problem is no more than a means to bring people together.
As White LGBTQ adults, we have a choice to make. We can become bogged down, yet another summer, with justifying our need to feel safe and get a good night’s sleep. Or we can do something different as a community. We can teach with our actions that being LGBTQ means more than turfs, clicks, race, gender, sex, and political affiliation. Being LGBTQ also means that we use the resources we have to help create equality, freedom, and safety for everyone. We can spend yet another summer describing why crowds of noisy, strong, boisterous young people are the problem. Or we can show with our actions that a problem is no more than a means to have honest conversation about our needs.
Yes, we have choices to make. We can continue to honor taboos, look for blame, act out of guilt, and treat one another with suspicion. We can continue to see each other as ‘those’ people, and continue to argue about who has the right to make change happen. We can continue the fight about change all while another year passes and the only change we see is in the faces of the people arguing. Another year passes and the only change that happens is more young people are lost to HIV, addiction, or abuse.
Or we can take the opportunity this summer brings to think and talk about what we owe to the future. We can think about the wisdom we have gained through our mistakes and our successes. We can talk about the guidance we could give a young 15 year old, for instance, who is thinking about telling his mother that he’s gay. We can think about the ways we could help him explore some of the effects of coming out before he has to live with the choice he makes. We can talk about how to parent the young people who are already homeless.
Having raised three biological daughters from infancy to adulthood, I know how difficult adolescence can be for both the parent and the child. There are times when, as parents, we need to step back and watch as our children flap their wings in the nest, and there are times when we need to step up and say: this is not the time to fly. There are times when we should heed to what young people want, and there are times when we have to say: this is the time to heed to what I know. As adults, we do this so that our adolescents are protected and free. They are protected from themselves and the predators of the world. They are free to explore and grow into the adults they are meant to be. This is a difficult task, but one that is crucial. Without adults who are willing to be the ‘bad guy’ and say no when it’s easier to say ‘yes’ young people are lost. When the young become lost, we lose the future.
The problem is not race, although race is part of the picture. The problem is not age, although age is part of the picture. The problem is not grandstanding, although grandstanding is part of the picture. The problem is us. The problem is our community has become stuck in ancient battles, old ways, and irrelevant rhetoric. The problem is we are silent in the face of people who prey on the innocent and hide in the chaos. The problem is me. The problem is you.
This means that the solution must be us.
During the community forums that I have attended over the years, I heard several concerns. Business owners said they worried that the teens interfered with the coming and going of their patrons. Residents said they were frustrated because the teens were noisy and disrupted the peace by congregating on street corners and rough housing well into the early morning hours. Some youth advocates said they felt attacked because Black and Latino teens were being targeted due to racism. These continued debates and strong feelings happen in the context of taboo and blame. There are issues that we do not explore and some of us use accusations to silence and bully people.
One of our biggest taboos is the fact that many LGBTQ teens from the south and west sides of Chicago come to Boystown because they are not safe in their homes and neighborhoods. Indeed, some LGBTQ teens are homeless because their parents threw them out. The youth advocates who say Black and Latino LGBTQ teens are not welcome in Boystown because of racism may very well be correct, but the teens are not welcome in their homes, churches, schools, and neighborhoods because of homophobia either.
In his April 2007 entry for the Chronicle of Higher Education’s ‘News Blog’ Lawrence Biemiller describes the overt homophobia in historically Black colleges that often goes unchallenged. He reports that there are a disproportionately small number of gay student organizations in historically Black colleges due in part to the unwillingness of faculty members to serve as advisers. In addition, since 2004, students at the historically Black Hampton University tried unsuccessfully to get a gay/straight alliance approved by the administration according to Elizabeth A. Perry in her February 2007 article for the Washington Blade.
Black LGBTQ same gender loving people many times see exposing homophobia within their communities as taboo. This means that while White young people often find college to be a safe place to explore their sexuality, Black and Latino who attend historically Black colleges have the opposite experience with scarce support from the adult Black LGBTQ community. Consequently, they are left to navigate hostile social, religious, and educational settings without having space to even name the hostility. They are left to mend from painful experiences without having consistent guidance in how to develop affirming relationships as LGBTQ people. As a result, young Black and Latino LGBTQ people sometimes come to believe that they belong on the fringe of society, and build their lives on that belief.
The National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. in New York released their 2004 abstract of a study by Gwadz MV, Clatts MC, Leonard NR, & Goldsamt L that identified what they called fearful attachment style (one's core beliefs regarding the self and others) in young men who have sex with men (MSM). They connect the fearful attachment style to the increased potential that young MSM will leave the protective systems of family, school, and work and decide to remain and function in risky communities where they are less likely to encounter ‘pro-social peers’ and adults. The writers of this study concluded that young MSM who develop this fearful attachment style are more likely to have been homeless, to have participated in sex work, to use substances daily, to have been involved in the criminal justice system, and to be out of school/work.
This means that young LGBTQ people who ‘come out’ and are consequently abandoned by their families and communities are at greater risk for developing the fearful attachment style and believing that the world is an unsafe place. They are at greater risk for not seeing family, school, church, neighborhood, and work as sources of protection and safety. They are at greater risk for seeing no alternative to joining fringe communities, and they are less likely to develop positive relationships with peers, loved ones, and safe adults. The challenge for the wider adult LGBTQ community as Black and Latino LGBTQ teens emerge toward adulthood is to help them develop identities that are proudly Black and Latino, confidently LGBTQ, and solidly part of mainstream society. Our challenge is to help teens make decisions that will result in them being prepared to enter society as successful doctors, lawyers, teachers, entrepreneurs, parents, ministers, politicians…
As Black and Latino/a LGBTQ adults, we have a choice to make. We can get distracted, yet another summer, by claims of White racism as warm weather and excitement draws teens to Boystown’s nightlife area. Or we can do something different as a community. We can teach with our actions that being LGBTQ means more than turfs, clicks, race, gender, sex, and political affiliation. Being LGBTQ also means doing the difficult work of forming honest relationships with family, friends, peers, colleagues, and yes, perceived enemies. We can spend yet another summer describing why racism is the problem. Or we can show with our actions that a problem is no more than a means to bring people together.
As White LGBTQ adults, we have a choice to make. We can become bogged down, yet another summer, with justifying our need to feel safe and get a good night’s sleep. Or we can do something different as a community. We can teach with our actions that being LGBTQ means more than turfs, clicks, race, gender, sex, and political affiliation. Being LGBTQ also means that we use the resources we have to help create equality, freedom, and safety for everyone. We can spend yet another summer describing why crowds of noisy, strong, boisterous young people are the problem. Or we can show with our actions that a problem is no more than a means to have honest conversation about our needs.
Yes, we have choices to make. We can continue to honor taboos, look for blame, act out of guilt, and treat one another with suspicion. We can continue to see each other as ‘those’ people, and continue to argue about who has the right to make change happen. We can continue the fight about change all while another year passes and the only change we see is in the faces of the people arguing. Another year passes and the only change that happens is more young people are lost to HIV, addiction, or abuse.
Or we can take the opportunity this summer brings to think and talk about what we owe to the future. We can think about the wisdom we have gained through our mistakes and our successes. We can talk about the guidance we could give a young 15 year old, for instance, who is thinking about telling his mother that he’s gay. We can think about the ways we could help him explore some of the effects of coming out before he has to live with the choice he makes. We can talk about how to parent the young people who are already homeless.
Having raised three biological daughters from infancy to adulthood, I know how difficult adolescence can be for both the parent and the child. There are times when, as parents, we need to step back and watch as our children flap their wings in the nest, and there are times when we need to step up and say: this is not the time to fly. There are times when we should heed to what young people want, and there are times when we have to say: this is the time to heed to what I know. As adults, we do this so that our adolescents are protected and free. They are protected from themselves and the predators of the world. They are free to explore and grow into the adults they are meant to be. This is a difficult task, but one that is crucial. Without adults who are willing to be the ‘bad guy’ and say no when it’s easier to say ‘yes’ young people are lost. When the young become lost, we lose the future.
The problem is not race, although race is part of the picture. The problem is not age, although age is part of the picture. The problem is not grandstanding, although grandstanding is part of the picture. The problem is us. The problem is our community has become stuck in ancient battles, old ways, and irrelevant rhetoric. The problem is we are silent in the face of people who prey on the innocent and hide in the chaos. The problem is me. The problem is you.
This means that the solution must be us.
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